Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

I come from a family of strong women. When I was younger I took it for granted. My mom and grandmother would get me books about being empowered as a woman and I was insulted! "I'm strong as a person, not because of or in spite of the fact that I'm female," I thought. I resented those books that told me about a reality where being a woman set you at a disadvantage. I hated being told that it was a great triumph to be strong as a woman instead of a given, because it sent the implied message that the base state of female is weak. I refused to read the books.

I was able to keep my illusions through high school. I saw my mom continuing to be strong and never settling for second best. There were strong women in my high school, and I took leadership roles in orchestra, marching band, and the drama club. I never thought that my femaleness was a barrier to overcome. My love to read which marked me as a total geek was more of a hurdle than my ovaries. I followed my mom's example and refused to accept second best. Every book I read had the brown-haired girl who liked to read painted as the eternal mouse who never spoke up, never went out, and never did anything big. My immediate, visceral response to that stereotype? Screw that!

Cracks started to show in college. I began to get my first taste of the institutional prejudices that live in society. I saw the effects of rape culture where victim blaming is the norm, and I am ashamed to say that I also, in my ignorance, victim blamed. I remember talking to friends about how women at parties need to be more vigilant, not drink too much, look out for each other, always walk in groups, and so on and so forth. I didn't hear the underlying message that I was sending, that if something happened then it was the victim's fault for not protecting herself well enough instead of the attacker's fault for not taking no for an answer, not attacking somebody walking home with only a couple of friends, or not taking advantage of someone who is impaired. Nothing happened to me, but I saw and heard about it happening to other people, and I regret that I contributed to the hostile atmosphere even if it was only in private conversations with friends.

Being in Japan has given me a lot of time to learn and to re-evaluate my own innate prejudices. The fact of the matter is Japan is a much more misogynistic country than the US. This is a country where women are officially hired into banks to eventually marry the male employees. Women who don't follow the social script and marry soon enough don't get promoted; they get transferred to the butt end of nowhere in an attempt to force them to quit and open up a position for a younger, more marriageable lady. Sexual harassment and double-standards are alive and well. Women in higher level positions are few and far between. For example, at my BOE there are 18 employees; two are women, and one of those women is temporary. This isn't even touching on the inherent racism throughout Japanese society. Yeah, I love my students, I love my island, and I love the ALT community, but there are very good reasons for why I'm not staying for a fourth year.

I'd say that the most important thing I've become aware of is the variety of derailing techniques used when talking about these inflammatory subjects. The tone argument, where people say that they aren't going to listen to the argument you're making because you aren't being nice enough, polite enough, or understanding enough. On the surface it makes sense, but if you look at it more deeply it fails. Why is it another person's responsibility to make you feel better about being racist, sexist, or misogynistic? The forced equalization attack is one that comes up a lot. "You talk about sexism in Japan, but what about in Western countries? We can't have a dialogue about sexism in Japan until there's zero sexism in Western countries, otherwise you're just an anti-Japan bigot!" Well, by that logic, we can't talk about any problem anywhere until the problem is eradicated somewhere else first, and it's nearly impossible to eradicate a problem if you can't even mention that there is a problem. What a catch -22! Finally, the Anecdotal Offensive. "You have made a statement, but that statement does not apply to my exact circumstances!" No matter how many people come forward to offer their own supporting anecdotal evidence this derailing tactic stays strong. It distracts from the focus of whatever issue is being discussed and gives people the excuse to stick their fingers in their ears and go "la la la la I'm not listening."

These things drive me crazy, but thanks to the example my mom gave and continues to give me every day I won't give up. I still believe the same thing I believed in elementary school; I am a person first. Maybe the world doesn't agree with me yet, but that doesn't mean I can't change it.