Samplers are not for me

There is one part of me that I'm not trying to get away from now that the anxiety disorder is behaving, and that is the part of me that likes to make useful things. I like making the bags because anyone can use them. Everyone always needs a bag. I like making things that people can use.

I think it's why I had a hard time learning to sew before. Beginning sewing projects are… not that useful, to say the least. At least the ones I found, and for my age. They are very useful if you're a child, or if you have children. A popular project is making stuffed animals, which is great if you have small children. But I don't have small children. Ok, I have my students, but I'm pretty sure ALTs aren't supposed to bribe children with stuffed animals. I've already had kids begging for my eco bags, they might eat each other to get a stuffed animal. And then there would be an international incident and suddenly it's all Lord of the Flies, and I don't even have any conch shells.

Moving on!

There seemed to be a gorge between simple beginning sewing projects and simple useful sewing projects, as if there was a scale of sewing projects from 1 to 10, and suddenly things jumped from 1 (child's project) to 5(&@%!). I felt like I was missing steps, and the anxiety was telling me that everyone else already knows what those steps are and that if I didn't know those steps already I was never going to learn. I was paralyzed. There wasn't any point in sewing something that wasn't "useful," but the useful things were so far beyond my level that I couldn't even consider making them without dissolving into a pile of insecurity.

Let me emphasize that this is not truth. This is what my messed up brain was telling me. Stuffed animals aren't useless, obviously, and making easy projects to practice skills is very, very useful. The only problem was my brain making it impossible to believe that. Logic has no place in an anxiety disorder, which was actually a clue to my finally figuring out that I had one.

Now I've got the anxiety under control so logic can once again have a place in my life, but I still enjoy making things that can be used. Samplers usually can't. They're made to be displayed, to practice stitches. They also embody the part of embroidery that I don't really like. I don't like cross-stitch, I never have, and samplers reek of it to me. It's not rational, because samplers are not restricted to cross stitching by any means. But the kind of embroidery I want to do different.

Which is why I love making the bags! They're useful, and I can do pretty much anything with them! I'm really looking forward to introducing my baby vampire tomorrow. After him I'm going to go a more floral route and make something with a tree and leaves and changing colors and acorns. Very autumn-y. The vampire will actually end up using 10 stitches, four of which are new for me. He's absolutely adorable. I hope you guys like him!